My husband is addicted to online poker and chatting with online buddies?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011 posted by sunnyboy 4:10 pm
Vicky asked:

My husband has been playing online poker (play money on full tilt poker) for the past six months. He has always liked gambling and goes to Atlantic City a lot (we live in NJ). I never liked it, but would go with him sometimes just not to fight with him.
Since he found poker online, he has been acting weird and secretive. He now talks to all those poker friends online, taking it to his email and phone (All females). When I confronted him with this, he says that I am insecure and he is only making friends. However, on my snoop (yeah, I was wrong to do this but felt I had just cause), he exchanges pictures and IMs all day from work. I questioned him about it, and he said it meant nothing; he is just doing it for fun and excitement. But now he resents that I snooped….
We’ve been married for 8yrs with no kids. We are currently trying to start a family, but all this things adds stress to me. I am 30yrs old and he is 40 and I keep thinking that he’s probably tired of waiting for me to have a kid and now he’s indulging himself by becoming addicted to online poker and chatting. I tried talking to him, but it’s almost like he blocked me out. I suggested counseling, but he says I have the problem not him. He is becoming so withdrawn and I don’t know what to do anymore. I am not fighting anymore, but I am having stress attacks etc. I just feel that inevitably chatting etc could lead to even bigger problems such as cheating etc.
We go to church, I am strong in my beliefs etc, however, he only goes because I go. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want to involve our families since this would make him mad and my family would resent him. Any advice anyone??? Thanks in advance.

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8 Responses to “My husband is addicted to online poker and chatting with online buddies?”

  1. tennis_gurly says:

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    say either stop playing or im divorcing u! JK! take away his computer and hide is somewhere…mwahahaha!

  2. manymeese says:

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    Maybe what you are feeling is true. I mean why would someone spend all their time playing and talking to other females if they are happy with you… and he seems to be neglecting you. One thing you don’t want to do is have a child now… if he is ignoring you now, he will continue after the child is born.

    He is 40… could be going through a mid-life crisis. I think you need to take care of yourself which could mean moving on without him. Maybe a separation would be the answer.

  3. ronnny says:

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    Tell him to stop if he does not make a decision and do it. Let him know that a lot of these on line friends that he plays with or people payed to do this so that he will keep on a lose more money. Like he does not realize this on his own. It is like people with a web site getting people to visit and people be there just to make it a happening place.

    rd

  4. Doyles Room Code

    Sounds like he is playing more than poker here…

    Either he ships up or ships out.

    Life is TOO short to live with this sort of nonsense.

    Good luck.

  5. Kim Y says:

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    Wowee!
    Sounds like addiction, and it may not be just gambling, but moving into other catagories.
    You say that you belong to a Church. Go speak with your pastor and his wife (together). Explain to them in detail of what has transpired. He needs to go to your hubby and confront him for you. If your hubby does NOT recognise his bad behavior, how distructive it is, and will not turn from it…then he needs to understand that you have grounds for divorce. For your hubby is “courting” another “woman” via his heart. And wherever your heart is, there you be also…..

    Do NOT get pregnant. Not until this is all cleared up and the dust has settled. Bringing kids into this potential time bomb would be selfish and stupid. It is the responsibility of you -the mother- to build and provide a good nest for your children to grow up in. Not the way it appears now.

    So, get on the stick and call your Pastor. You’ve already approached your hubby and nothing changed, so now, you go OVER HIS HEAD, and get someone else’s help to get this properly resolved.

    Amen! God be with you!
    092608 2:08

  6. ArtsySmartsy says:

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    I know how hard it must be, I’ve been there, but with inappropriate cites.

    You have to sit him down and be very honest. Don’t fight.Start off by telling him that he’s been a great husband, lover, and provider (you canadjustt this part to what you feel about your husband). Make him feel good and feel non threatened, if not he’ll put up his defenses. Be very loving and tell him that you’re worried about his gambling and esp the women and that it’s not healthy that something else is taking the time that you two would be able to spend together. Tell him that you’re worried that the chatting and e-mailing other women will turn intocheatingg. Tell him that you love him to much to allow something to get in between you two and ruin your marriage. Be honest about how you feel and tell him how it hurts you. You shouldn’t suffer this alone. If he loves you he’ll understand and stop. If he doesn’t want to change you may want to see a counselor. I understand how it feels when you can’t vent to the family, God Bless. Remember your mariage is worth fighting for.

  7. Peyton Manning Fans

    It honestly sounds to me as if he’s simply having some fun. However, the reaction to your confronting him is disturbing. I’m sorry to say this, but in your situation I would not consider starting a family until you have some resolution. His behaviour is *probably* innocent enough, but if you are bothered by it, he should understand that. Certainly you should insist on an open, neutral forum to discuss these issues you’re going through.

    If he refuses, you might need to consider divorce. Sorry, that sounds defeatist, but when one party is totally unreasonable about what seems to be a fairly mundane situation, it’s indicative of deeper problems within the relationship.

    The issue is not really “Will this escalate to cheating?” It’s “Does my husband respect my wishes and understand my fears and needs?”

    Plus you ought to be very wary of gambling addiction. Do you control the bank accounts? Do you at least know whether he has played for real money? Do you balance your accounts and credit card statements? Odd-sounding amounts and names on the statements probably mean deposits of real money. Keep a close eye on this — it’s potentially more damaging than what is probably some harmless flirtation with strangers he’ll never meet.

    Secrecy and gambling is a toxic combination. Your morals about gambling are not the point really — it’s COMBINED with a secrecy/imbalance in who is in charge of money that it can lead to dangerous addiction and debt.

    Good luck. You need it.

  8. sarara says:

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    I would definitely find a way to get the both of you to a marriage counselor. Addiction is just the tip of the iceberg. Chatting and IM with other females will definitely lead to trouble! It’s too convenient with current-day technology to exchange pictures, voice chat live… Cheating is cheating, physically and mentally. Good luck.

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